تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (97) - إسماً على مُسمى 3.

أتذكر هذا اليوم الذي لن أنساه قط في حياتي .. أستيكة زهرية اللون وألوان خشبية أهدتهما لي مُعلمتي و أُمي الثانية 'حنان إسماعيل' يوم عيد ميلادي مُنذ أكثر من خمسة عشر عاماً حينما كُنا نحضر حلقة القُرآن في بيتها الكريم .. حتي قبل أن أبدأ في الحضور بمسجد أبي بكر الصديق. :) أتذكر تلك الوجوه و الصُحبة التي إجتمعت لديها علي خير و في الخير .. أتذكرهم إسماً إسماً ووجهاً وجهاً .. حتي هؤلاء الذين لم أعد أراهم مرةّ أخري ولم نتواصل بعد وفاتها قط .. أتذكر جيداً تلك القلوب الصافية الصغيرة علي فطرتها والتي لم تكُن لتجتمع دون رحمة الله تعالي و دون أن تكون هيّ مُعلمتهم .. أتذكر تلك الإبتسامة التي ينبُع عنها الرِضا التي لم تُغادر وجهها قط مهما ضاقت بها الدُنيا .. أتذكرأياهما الأخيرة والنظرة التي علي وجهها .. أتذكر جيداً أني "نُلت شرف" حصولي علي جائزة الطالبة المثالية - في حلقتنا التي كانت ذات صيت قوي وقتها بتفوق بناتها وأدبهم - في آخر حلقة نشاط صيفي إجتمعنا عليها قبل وفاتك .. أتذكر كم كُنت أحاول مراراً أن أكون فقط ممن ترضي عنهم من شدة حبي وإحترامي لكي، والذي حتي الآن لم ينقص قدراً قط بل يزيد يوماً تلو الآخر .. أتذكر هذا الحنان و الرضا و الحُب .. كنتي حقاً إسماً علي مُسمي .. أتذكركي والله كأنكي لم ترحلي عنّا يوماً قط ... أشتاقُ إليكي كثيراً و أحتاجُ إليكي أكثر وأكثر .. كم كُنت أتمني أن أشارككي كثيراً من الأحداث التي مرّت بي وأن تشاركيني فرحتي قبل حُزني .. و لكني و الله غير حزينة، فإنت برفقة الرحمن الرحيم الأرحم منّا جميعاً. لم تكوني لتعتادي ما نراه من ظُلم .. نلقاكي في الفردوس الأعلي يا حبيبة قلبي. :)!! 

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (96) - لماذا نكتُب؟

لستَ في حاجة إلى معرفة قواعد الكتابة لكي أكتب، فأنا أكتب شذرات أفكاري المبعثرة المُتناثرة الآن وسأتعلم مع الوقت .. رُبما لا أتعلم إطلاقاً .. ولكنني قررت أنه الأهم أن أعتاد تدفق الحروف من بين يدي لا مِن خلفي، فعليّ أن لا أخاف مما أكتب، فمن يخاف مِن حروفه لا يستحق أن يحمل قلماً أبداً أبداً ..

الكتابة فعلٌ مُقدَس لأنه بدأ في السماء، ولذلك علينا أن لا نُدنّسها في الأرض. أعجبني كاتب حين وصف من يكتب أنه يترك وراءه قبساً يهتدي به السائرون في طريق الحقيقة، فقد لا تستطيع أن تُدلّ الناس على الصواب، لكنك تستطيع أن تحكي لهم عنه .. عندما يبدأ أحدنا بالكتابة فإن نَصّه يكون جزءاً منه، وبعد أن ينتهي يصبح هو جزءا من ذلك النص.:) 

أنا أكتب لكي أكتشف العالم وأعبّر عن نفسي، أو ربّما، لأعْبُرَ إليها. ليس بالضرورة أن أكون مفكرة مُثقفة كبيرة وعميقة جداً لكي أكتب، فإنه يكفيني أن أشعر بأفكاري تتبعثر وتحوم حولي باحثة عن ورقة لكي تترتب، حتى أبدأ بالكتابة؛ فالكتابة حالة شعورية تُصيب الشخص دون أن يدري "لماذا"، ولكي يعرف الإجابة عليه أن يكتب ثم يبحث بين سطور كتاباته. لماذا أكتُب حتي وإن لم أحرك مشاعر الآخرين أو الأفكار الراكدة في عقولهم؟!! أكتب حتى أترك أثراً .. أثراً يُذكر ولو كان بسيطاً في من حولي .. أكتب حتى لا نكون أثراً .. أثراً منسيّ لا يعلم بوجوده القريب والبعيد. :)

#تخاريف #Q4redefined #Imissmyblog #powerofwriting

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (95) - ورُبما ..

ورُبما يَكمُن جهادنا في هذا الزمان في سعينا لغرس فسيلة ومحاولاتنا المُستمرة - حتي وان لم نغرسها قط - واليقين وحُسن الظن بأن لها أثر يُذكَر رغم كُل ما يحدُث حولنا ليُثبت مِراراً غير ذلك .. رغم الظلام الشديد الذي يعترينا كُل لحظة ويُلقي في نفوسنا ما يرهقها .. رغم كُل ما يُثقِل قلوباً ويؤرق أرواحناً ظنت أنها قد تجد في الدُنيا دار عدل وسلام .. رغم كُل الشِِتات .. ولمثل أيام كهذه، هُناك آخرة ...

#تخاريف #٢٦_عاماً_مضي_دون_أثر_يُذكَر #الله_غالِب #عن_عُمره_فيما_أفناه 

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (94) - ذكريات الـ facebook إيجيشان ستايل.

'المفروض القائمين على فيس بوك يعملوا اوپشين للمصريين ان ميطلعلهومش حوار شريط الذكريات بتاع كل يوم ده. بجد دي اسوأ حاجة على الإطلاق انك تصحى الصبح وتلاقي حاجات بتطلع لك من تلات واربع سنين فاتوا، انت قلت ايه وكنت بتفكر ازاي وصورك شكلك فيها كان عامل ازاي. ثورة ومجلس عسكري ومحمد محمود وماسبيرو وبورسعيد وانتخابات واتحادية وانقلاب ورابعة .. الأمل وبعدين الإحباط وبعدين الأمل وبعدين الإحباطات العديدة، وفوق ده كله الحبس والقتل والظلم والقهر. احساس الوطنية وبعدين الكُره والسعي ورا اي فرصة هجرة حتي لو في غانا، احساسك بانك فعلا من البلد دي وكُرهك ليها في كام سنة. احنا اتمرجحنا واتمرمطنا جامد اوي اوي. كل اللي بطلبه بس ان محدش يجي جنبي يشغلنا شريط الذكريات كل يوم الصبح! بجد احنا الجيل اللي الاربع سنين عدوا عليه بأربعين! علي رأي حمزة: 'الجيل اللّي شايب وهوّ شباب' :) الاغنية دي بتعلم عليّ جامد. ارحمنا يا مارك زوكربيرج مش حتبقى انت والايام عليا' ..

#كفاية_ذكريات #انا_مش_عايزة_افتكر #الهروب_علي_هيئة_نوم #النسيان_هو_الحل_علشان_نعيش #إسمعني #مُش_هبقي_نُسخة_من_ماضيك #تخاريف #النُص_ميتر_يتحدث 

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (93) - In the memory of the third of November.

Remember, remember!

The third of November,

The currency crash treason and plot;

I know of no reason,

Why the currency crash treason,

Should ever be forgot!

#VForVendettaFansWillRelate #تخاريف #DepressingTimes #IMFhasblackhistory101

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (92) - الـpassiveness إيجيشان ستايل.

'الطيارة فاتتني' .. 'العربية اتخبطت' .. 'القلم ضاع' .. دي مش لغتنا ولا طريقة كلامنا بس .. دي ثقافتنا كمصريين .. دة اسلوب حياتنا. خلينا نسمي الامور بمسمياتها و ان احنا شعب "باسيف " بطبعه. قلبه يتقطع ويموت لو اعترف بمشكلته. صعب وكرامته توجعه لو قال "أنا ضيعت القلم". لأن أكيد القلم ضاع و دي مشكلته. يتصرف هو بقي، احنا مالنا.  انما المصري بطبعه لا يُخطئ .. ضد المياة، ضد النار، ضد الاخطاء والمشاكل والحشرة الفار (بالاعتذار للفار اللي زارنا ونكد علينا من فترة). دائماً ما يكون الخطأ من كُل حاجة علي الكوكب الا هو .. الكوكب كُله بيتآمر علينا علشان منتقدمش ونبقي حاجة حتى لو كان "قلم." بس طبعاً مصر أم الدنيا وهتبقي قد الدنيا، وهتبقي كدة.

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (91) - Disconnecting to connect. :)

What are friends if they don't ask or check?! I am going through a phase of having to again question many friendships lately including how good I am as a friend .. Quite alarming!

I keep checking my account frequently each day. I think I am connecting with friends. Guess what, I am not. Social networks makes us think we are connecting with people, but do we actually connect on the personal level? I don't think so. Besides, it keeps being a source of distraction than a source of connection.

As a step, I deleted both Facebook and Instagram apps from my mobile. I neither deleted the messenger nor I deactivated my accounts since I am being an admin on few groups/pages. But I blocked them on my computer. I am still reachable on mobile, messenger and whats app. I have tried it before, and I failed. الله المستعان. Lets see how long I can survive this round inchaálllah. Lol!

I am gradually losing close friends that I care about because I fail miserably in keeping in touch. Many ones failed me too though. We think we are connecting but we are not. Friendships, the same as everything in life, were much simpler, stronger and sincere before social networks. :( Life goes on, yes. But someone have to take a step if they want a change. I need to stop checking my phone to see who still remembers me and tagged me in a post. I need to actually remember people rather than getting worried about being simply remembered. What did I do to deserve it? I need to realize how disconnected I became even from my closest friends, so I actually put more time and effort to connect back with them. I miss my friends. And it hurts more knowing how we allow age, distance and social media to kill good friendships thinking 'it's just how life is,' because it is not!!! :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (90) - حب لأخيك ما تُحب لنفسك. :)

So this took place first day of Eid Adha - exactly Monday September 12, 2016. My very old friend Haidy El Medany decided to teach me a lifetime lesson of what is the real meaning of 'حب لأخيك ما تُحب لنفسك.' 

I liked few handmade bracelets she was wearing. So I spontaneously asked her where she got them from. Instead of answering me, I found her giving me two of the ones she was wearing. Even better, she didn't even think twice. It was not an act of kindness or a courtesy invitation to take them. It was a genuine gift. And although they may look simple, they still mean to me way more than that, and I am grateful for that. :)

Well, every time I meet an old friend from the masjed group, I end up learning a new sincere lesson. هُن مثال لرِفعة الأخلاق.  They will always and forever remain the ones that I will cherish the most. For it was for them, after Allah, I am who I am today. I grew up with them, and I hope I don't lose connection cause otherwise I may fall apart. جُزيتن خيراً كثيراً ودام الله نعمة معرفتكُن ووجودكُن في حياة الكثيرين وزادكُن من فضله ورحمته. الحمدُ لله. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (89) - Letter to my Sister- In the memory of the Harry Potter 8

Dear Sister,

I thought of writing you this because I don’t know any other way to express myself truly except through written words. Probably it feels tangible, and much more organized than how I shout or babble around like a maniac kid.

In the memory of August 10, 2017. I must start saying I love you. I do. I would do anything for you. I wish I am a better elder sister. I wish we had a better sister to sister relationship. I wish I could tell you about my heartbreaks, and hookups, and fears, and dreams. I wish I could let you know how it feels to be who I am, I wish you understand. I know you love me, too. It would have been great to discuss my heart with you. That’s what sisters are supposed to do.

You are my hero. You always see the world as half full, and I thank you for that. I am sorry for breaking your heart although you are always trying to be kind and thoughtful. Every day I feel regret of not being able to give you back. I feel terrible for being who I am around you. I am probably stupid or immature. Thank you for teaching me how it feels to love someone beyond words, and thanks for teaching me how to be kind and compassionate unconditionally properly.

Its not that I don’t care. Of course I care. You are my sister, the one I know I can lean on whenever I am in trouble. The one who can keep my secrets, hide my nonsense from mum since we were kids and yet never complain about how a shitty sister I am. This is the most thoughtful gift I ever had. Not because it’s a Harry Potter book. Well, of course it means a lot. But also coming from you, without a reason nor an occasion, is something that I probably kept crying about since the day you gave it to me. You get almost one or two who get to love you in the unconditional way you do, and I am so lucky to even have you in my life, even luckier that you are more than just someone — you are my sister.

I will remember yesterday forever. Not only the fight and how much I probably cried for letting you down, but that to remember that I am still loved. No matter where I am, there is someone outside whose name is Raghda, loved me and will keep loving me for who I am not for who she thinks or wants me to be. She never judged me, and accepted me without conditions or strings attached.

Some people mistake my silence for ignorance. I think I am the weakest of them all. I was always someone who craved love. This is not to say that I accepted love willingly — quite the opposite, in fact. If someone decided to like or even love me, they would have to pass through a path of obstacles, being pushed pulled and tested at every corner. Only then, upon arrival at the finish line, would they gain my acceptance. I have lost friendships, and now I figured out I may have lost you too. I am sorry for what happened, and I am sorry for letting you down. I really am.

I am afraid that I’ll wake up one morning and I won’t get to see you around. Who would tease me or make me cry then? Don’t think that I don’t care. I always care. I just don’t know how to show it. I just think that I have taken the easy way out. I have been blocking people out of my life so I won’t be hurt in the way mum hurt me too. I hope I change one day. I really do. Unless I can love myself, I may never be able to allow others to love me the way you do.

I recently read this article about how does a daughter forgive her mother for not protecting her. It is interesting how I could relate to some of its details. It does not have to be the mother we are talking about. It could be anyone including those very close ones you once trusted but failed to be there when you needed them the most. The article gave me hope. Forgiving someone for not being there is hard. I never knew how and when I could move on and forgive others and myself until I decided a time ago to do so. I'd be lying if I said I moved on, but at least I am trying. As they always say: “Believe you can and you are halfway there.” :)

How can I be angry with many close ones? A question I failed to answer precisely until now. You all argue that they did not do me any harm. I must admit, you are right, but still they were not there either. They were the circle of trust. They were supposed to love, embrace and protect me back then. Maybe inaction doesn't have to be motivated by malice, but sometimes by someone's own paralyzing fear -- their survival instinct. The more I am angry with people, the more I realize I have a lot to change about myself.

It really is true: “Freedom is what we do with what’s been done to us.” It is not the circumstances of our lives that matter. It is what we choose to do with them. Yes, some journeys take you farther from where you come from, but closer to where you belong. I know that I need to get my priorities straight. But I hope you know that I love you. Forgive me! I am sorry that I failed you, and kept failing you. But I promise I will never let you down from now on. 

Sincerely,

The Family's Gryffindor Potterhead

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (88) - First Eid Without You.

This is overwhelming, Nana. :)

First Eid without you. First Eid with no Shemerly family gatherings to attend together nor visiting you at home nor debating over the fact that I am too old for a 3idia. You always tell me 'You'll never grow up on a 3idia. You'll always be my little granddaughter no matter how old you get, Yosr.' :) I miss your place, the smell of home and your genuine sincerity. I miss your look, smile and the gossip chitchatting. I even miss debating and disagreeing over Egypt's daily topics. I miss your homemade kahk, ghoryba, and the all-time signature borik and menini. :)

Well, too many memories is still stuck in this place as if your soul is still present missing us too, and you're not yet gone. Almost a year passed, yet I am in denial. Everything here reminds me of nothing but you, Nana. I miss you. May you rest in peace. ربنا يرحمك ويعفوا عنك ويرزقنا صحبتك في الجنة ..

Yes, when someone we love dies, and you’re not expecting it, it seems as if time stands still. And silence... a quiet sadness... often can be felt, not just heard, a longing for one more day... one more word... one more touch... You don’t lose them all at once; you lose them in pieces over a long time. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of them that are gone. Just when the day comes — when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that they are gone, forever ..

I miss you Nana, and you will always be remembered beautifully ..  

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (87) - Nobility of War

Turkey and now Bangladesh. ISIS's second claimed massacre in a Muslim majority country. Defending Islam by killing Muslims in the holy month of Ramadan. But it still calls itself Islamic. And the world still believes this bullshit. Not only they did that, but reading the news made me even think how a brave ISIS mujahid actually paused after killing people having their dinner to snap a photo to boast of what they just did. Really!?

I am tired of the myth of the nobility of a war, whatever that is. There is nothing noble about tearing apart, and displacing bodies, and making the souls that God made so miraculously suffer. "They just hate us," so we are justified in hating them?!! They say the same thing by the way, and then we have everyone denying that what they have is "hate." No it is not patriotism, realism, or even political incorrectness. It is just blind hate. Yes it is. Still trying to figure out what is the next step for the mutual haters in this world?! Haven't they had enough yet?! :/

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (86) - Brexit.

Quickly reading the news in the morning, so UK voted 'Leave' in the Brexit even though 75% of the people under the age of 25 voted 'Remain'. To cut the story short, the old voted for a future the young don't want. Funny, how people always fear the young for so long, turns out it was the old we should have worried about. The old have screwed the young again in another part of the world. It is universal I can tell, yet in a more democratic way than what happened in Egypt. :/

UKIP, who could only win a single seat in parliament, have now reshaped British and European politics. Would this trigger a potential domino effect across the EU possibly leading to the collapse of the entire body? We'll see. Not sure what is happening to the world, but it looks like we are facing even more difficult times. Can we now safely assume that extremism, hatred and fear can cost a country its future?! They are rising worldwide in many forms such as race, religion and nationalism despite of being in 21st century which is said to be the century of science, knowledge and wisdom. I only hope rest of EU learn the right lesson from this result. Focus on their economic and democratic deficiencies and mad austerity, not just refugees and migrants. As Tariq Ramadan said, "Your enemy is not the refugee. Your enemy is the one who made him a refugee." In all cases, it's important for who voted 'Remain' to just accept the result and move on, possibly to another country. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (85) - For the love of Harry Potter.

When people don't understand my "Wingardium Leviosa," I "Avada Kedavra" them. They still don't get it, but it makes me feel so much better. :)

Any member of the Harry Potter fans has undoubtedly heard the phrase 'Potterheads' or the 'Harry Potter Generation' thrown around a few times. It is usually remarked upon with pride, a mix between an era and a community. This is very true.

One could argue that any long-term fan is part of it. If the Harry Potter Generation is simply a group of people who have loved Harry Potter at any time in the recent past, then the whole fandom is part of the generation. However, a fandom and a generation are not the same thing —I can be a massive fan of the Beatles, but I certainly wasn’t in their generation!

What makes a group the Harry Potter Generation, as opposed to the larger group of fans????

Good question. It comes down to demographics. Age is the most obvious credential for a member of the Harry Potter Generation—many fans can recall starting the books at age ten or eleven and virtually growing up alongside Harry and his friends (myself included). But this can seem limiting—what about fans like my eighteen-year-old brother, who is a huge HP fan in his own right? What about fans like my friend’s mom Lori, who made her own Professor Sprout costume (complete with Venomous Tentacula) and waited alongside her daughter and I at the midnight releases? Aren’t they considered part of the Harry Potter generation?

Simply—and perhaps bluntly—no.

One very strong aspect of a generation lies in its young people/youth culture. (Particularly when it comes to pop culture—Elvis belonged to the teenagers and young women of his time, didn’t he?) In the case of the older fans, they’ve already had their generation. They have already contributed to a culture that is now part of history, and now it’s the next generation’s turn.

It’s a bit trickier with younger fans. What makes a 22-year-old a part of the generation if a 20-year-old is not? This has been made a particularly blurry line with the advent of Buzzfeed and Tumblr and endless lists proclaiming “If You Remember This, You’re a 90’s Kid”. (Perhaps I am dating myself by saying this, but it comes down to this pronouncement: if you were born in the 90s, you are not a 90s kid.)

When it comes to Harry Potter, there’s a similar parallel: if you weren’t Harry’s age, you’re not a part of his capital-g-Generation.

But what does this mean for the perceived in-betweeners? The people who were in high school when Harry first hit the shelves, but were still part of the first wave of fans, and were the people who jump-started the first online forums and fanfic?

While they didn’t age alongside Harry in a literal sense, we have to consider Harry’s “actual” age. In 1997 (when Philosopher’s Stone was published in the UK), Harry was turning 17 years old. Today, he would be 33 years old. It stands to reason that anyone who was between Harry’s book age and “true” age at the time the books were published can also be counted in the capital-g-Generation.

I think I can hear some accusations of hipster snobbery out there (“She thinks she’s so great because she read the books ‘before they were cool’!”), and perhaps those accusations are warranted. To me, a person who came to the series late or who saw most or all of the films first can’t really testify to what it meant to have to wait for the next book, to have read the books before the movies were announced, to feel like Harry and his friends were also your friends far before they became hallmarks of a pop culture and literature phenomenon. (Admittedly, this is very sentimental evidence, but it is echoed all over the fandom by people my age.)

Naturally, that doesn’t mean that those outside of that age range aren’t important fans. If you waited in line at midnight, waved a wand at the Wizarding World in Orlando, or eagerly competed for a beta spot in Pottermore; if you write fanfiction or analysis or draw fanart, you’re a valued and essential member of the fandom, and the fandom is big enough for all!

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (84) - Stories we love the most.

'You have your mother's eyes.' :) 

I think we’re made up of all these different pieces and every time someone goes, you’re left with another less piece of yourself. We may end up feeling empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love. This is the same exact story of Lily and Snape. :) 

There is no love story in any other novel that was sincere and able to touch my soul and catch my heart beats, as Snape's love to Lily. Yes, sincere stories as these, which we love the most, live in us forever no matter how old we grow. :) 

In fact, Alan Rickman's scene in the Harry Potter 7 movie, where he confesses his love to Lily, will always and forever remain the most closest to my heart.

'After all this time?' 
'Always!' :)
(https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LeG_judrcOA)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (83) - الجدة بطة. :)

حاسة إني لو كبرت و ربنا أدام في عُمري إن شاء الرحمن، نفسي أطلع شبه 'الجدة بطة' .. شكلاً علشان إحنا الإثنين قصيرين زيّ بعض .. انما انا لا أنت ليها و لحلاوتها بصِلة .. نفسي اكون زيها وشخصيتها وشطارتها وتصرفاتها وطيبتها وحنيتها وحنانها وحزمها وشدتها وهزارها وخفة دمها في نفس الوقت. :) الجدة بطة مثلي الأعلي و أتمني إني يبقي عندي رُبع من الرفاهية بتاعتها وإني أدلع أحفادي زيها و أطلع بعمل فطيرة تُفاح حلوة و معتبرة زي بتاعتها. :) والسؤال هنا، إمتي هسيب الكوكب اللعين دة و أهاجر مدينة البط ؟! ولا هو حتي مدينة البط قفلوا الفيزا للمصريين .. :/

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (82) - الله لا ينسانا (4).

‫يا ترى لما توصل للى أنت عاوزه ، هيطلع زى ما أنت كنت عاوزه !؟ :)

‫#‏تخاريف

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (81) - الـgeneration gap إيجيشان ستايل.

احنا كمصريين الحوار عندنا منعدم. من الكبير اللي فاكر نفسه صح مبيغلطش ولازم كلمته تمشي ويورث خبراته إجباراً، للصغير للي فاكر نفسه عارف وفاهم كل حاجة ومش عايز يستفيد من خبرة غيره، ومحدش مستعد يفهم ولا يسمع التاني .. محدش عايز يسيب غيره يجرب، ومحدش عايز يسمع، ومحدش عايز يفهم، وكل واحد عايز يقول كل اللي في نفسه بأي طريقة حتي لو فاشلة وبتوصل لاهانة بعض .. لا بس الثورة مستمرة فعلاً! -_-

#‏اسمعني ‫#‏تخاريف ‫#‏الـgeneration_gap_مش_إشاعة

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (80) - الله لا ينسانا (3).

ويبتلينا الله بعيوبٍ كرهناها في غيرنا ويضعنا في نفس موقف من انتقدنا، حتى يُرينا ضعفنا.. فنكُف ويتواضع قلبنا، ونلتمس لغيرنا ألف عُذر ونُدرك أنه عسي أن يكونوا خيراً منّا ..

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (79) - الله لا ينسانا (2). :)

اللهُ يعلم سبب الهالات تحت عينيك، ويعلم كمّ التعب الذي تكدّس في تنهيدتك، ويعلم الأحاديث التي تزاحمت في صدرك، ويعلم عن الهم الذي أثقل قلبك .. ويبتليك الله بهشاشة قلبٍ لدرجة أنّ كلمة عابرةٍ تُبعثرك، وآيةٌ تُبكيك، ونص حزين يكتم الهواء بحلقك، ونظرة عابرة من غريب تُصيبك بالهلع .. الله يعرف عدد المراتِ التي تفتّتت فيها روحك ولم يدرك أحد، يعرف شعورك حينما يبكي قلبك ويموت وجعًا ولا أحد يشعر، الله معك حين ينساك الجميع .. يبتلي الله العبد بأحب الناس إليه، ليُريه أن الناس تتخلى عمن أحبت، والله لا يترك مَن أَحبّ .. 

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (78) - To fit in.

I came across a recent quote when watching a Disney movie: 'I tried to fit in. I really do. I just can't. Sometimes I feel like I really don't belong here,' and suddenly it feels like old years back again. Whatever I try to put into words, I am bad at describing how it feels like, so I thought to share bits of an old article on Huffington Post, and which is one of the closest to my heart.

I’ve always felt different, like I was born in the wrong time period, or maybe even on the wrong planet. I just don’t “fit” anywhere or with anyone. You’d likely never realize this if you spent any amount of time with me, but it’s true.

When I was younger, I got good at pretending to fit in. Talking about things I didn’t care about, doing things I didn’t necessarily enjoy, and making myself appear “normal” when I’m so clearly anything but. As I got older, I learned to embrace more of what made me unique and different, and learned how to be more of myself and exist in a space of truth and authenticity alongside everyone else.

Yet, despite all the work I’ve done, there are still moments where the feeling of not belonging anywhere or with anyone is all consuming. It happens randomly, usually when I’m in a group of people, whether friends or family, who are having a good time. There will be a conversation and laughter, and I may even be enjoying myself... until all of a sudden I’m not, because I’m acutely aware of the truth: I don’t fit here. 

Sometimes it’s that I don’t really care about the topic at hand.

Sometimes it’s that I don’t really fit with the people around me.

Sometimes it’s that I feel like the oddball of the group.

Mostly, though, it’s that I realize I’m not living a life in full alignment with my truth. Because, if I was, I would be somewhere else, having a different conversation, with a different set of people, and showing up more fully and completely as me.

I’ve done a lot of work over the years to align my life, relationships, and work with my truth, passions and purpose. I’ve made major shifts, had hard conversations, and have pushed myself in ways that stretched me to tears. I’ve aligned, shed, grown, shifted, created, released, healed and cultivated. I’ve done a lot of work.

So when these moments happen, despite the fact that I momentarily stop breathing and the world feels suffocating, isolating, and overwhelmingly foreign... I feel gratitude. Gratitude for the never ending nudges that bring me closer to my truth and my whole self. Nudges that say, hey love, this isn’t right for you. This isn’t where you belong. This isn’t really who you are. Nudges that prompt me to make changes so that, albeit slowly but surely, I start to show up more fully and completely in my life.

What to do when you don’t fit in:

1) Be kind to yourself.

You’re not alone in this feeling, regardless of how intense, frequent, or unique to you it may feel. I remember attending a conference last spring where the speaker asked the audience, “who here feels like they don’t fit in?” Over half the audience raised their hands. You’re not the only one who feels like you don’t belong, there are tons of us. So first and foremost, be kind to yourself. Because even if you’re the one person in the world who really, truly, absolutely has no place, you’re still going to be stuck with you. Love and accept yourself fully, even when it feels like no one else could possibly.

2) Stop trying and, instead, notice what makes you different.

One of the most common mistakes we make when we feel like we don’t belong is to try and fit in. If you feel like you don’t belong, there’s a very good chance you don’t, and this isn’t a bad thing! Pay attention to what specifically triggered that feeling for you. Is it that you don’t care about the things others do? Is it that you’re spending time with people who are your opposite? Is it that you don’t enjoy the activity at hand? Not fitting in doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you or the people around you, it just means you’re different. Use this as an opportunity to explore what would need to change for you to feel like you fit. This isn’t about changing yourself or forcing yourself to be anything you’re not, it’s about taking an honest look at the situation.

Maybe you need a new set of friends or to spend less time with your family. Maybe you’re not dating the right person. Maybe you’d rather be at a cultural event than out drinking. Whatever it is, just make note of it and create better alignment in your life, work, and relationships going forward.

3) Embrace the truth of who you are.

Here’s a truth I’ve learned that’s changed my world: I don’t fit in and I’m not supposed to. I’m not here to fit in, and that’s okay. I’m here to be my unique and amazing self, and you are, too. Whatever makes you different, that’s exactly who you’re here to be, not someone that “fits” with everyone else. You may not be the person who stays out late with friends, instead you may be at home studying something that lights you up. You may not be the person who can bond over sports or celebrity gossip. Instead you may be the person discussing politics and protesting for what you believe in. Embrace it! That’s who you’re here to be and it’s perfect, beautiful, and needed in this world. The sooner you embrace the truth of who you are, the sooner you’ll find where you fit and start feeling more joyful and fulfilled by your life and relationships.

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (77) - Breaking the habit.

We live in a society that puts so much rules and restrictions that has no basis but nonsense culture. You need to come home early .. You need to work in certain jobs .. You need to wear certain clothes .. You need to behave in a certain manner .. You need to be-freind certain people .. You need to speak using certain language .. You need to marry in a certain age .. You must be a housewife or be judged .. You can't share house chores .. You can't travel on your own .. You must respect the elderly. But of course, this is a ladies only area .. Let the guys party all around and do sins .. They don't have to abide by any rules, and they will be accepted or else forgiven, and life will move on like nothing happened. Really?!!

Well, the funny part is that we think that these rules are clear-cut to all of us. Well, try to visit a rural area of Egypt, where it has entirely different interpretations of the same culture and traditions, and then try to tell me what are those rules that define a society. We fail miserably to admit that culture is changeable and will always be subject to personal opinions, preferences and interpretations. And with no law nor religion, nothing actually defines what is right from wrong precisely. It will always be personal, and we will always be opinionated and judgmental.

Being an Arab girl, sometimes, is hard to embrace. There are a million cultural rules for being a girl. And another batch of rules for being an Arab. Restrictions surrounding us everywhere. Now imagine being both an ARAB and a GIRL living in a society that treats religion as culture, and culture as religion. Absolute mess. There are a million things you have to do to get through each day. I used to think that when I grow up, there wouldn't be so many cultural rules. I was naive. :) Back in elementary school there were rules about what entrance you used in the morning, what door you used going home, when you could talk in the library, how many paper towels you could use in the restroom, and how many drinks of water you could get during recess. And there was always somebody watching to make sure you are on 'what they think' is the right track. What I'm finding out about growing older is that there are just as many cultural rules about lots of things the same as when I was young, and while there's nobody watching whether you follow them or not, they will judge you anyways. Lovely, isn't it? :)

I recently came to realize that it is the beginning of wisdom when you recognize that the best you can do is choose which rules you want to live by regardless what people think or say. I am still learning as many rules as I can, so one day I can pick which ones I want to stick to and which ones I need to break effectively like a pro. I am not yet bold enough to live life on my terms, or to take the road less traveled. Yet I know quite well that I am free, no matter what rules surround me. I will fight for this freedom till the end. If I find these rules tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I will eventually break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. As simple as this. People are remembered for what they achieve, but most importantly what and how many rules they break. Many rules are meant to be broken; pick your battles wisely! :)

#تخاريف #lifetimestruggles

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (76) - The gang.

It was one of my best friends' big day. :) It is funny that I woke up few days back, and all I can remember is the last episode of HIMYM. The gang. :)

Few will understand what I mean. Distances can either drive friends apart or grow their friendship even stronger. It comforts me to know we don't have to be close anymore, but we'll always be friends. It may never gonna be how it was. Yes, it can’t be, and that doesn’t have to be a sad thing. While there is part of our lives where we had to hang out and meet frequently is over. There’s so much wonderful stuff happening in all of our lives right now. More than enough to be grateful for, as my best friend's big day few days back. :)

Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof. Those who understand us, and be there for us in better or worse are few. This is why we can’t fall out of each other’s lives. I have been lucky enough to find her there for me at my very worst times. And the very least I can do is that I promised myself and vowed that no matter what, I will always be there for her to share those big and special moments together as that day. :)

بارك الله لكُما وجمع بينكُما في خير .. الطيبون للطيبات والله .. ربنا يحفظهُم و يُبارك لهم و يُسعدهم و يُتم عليهم نعمته .. يا رب يجعلهم سكن و قُرك أعين بعض ويبتدوا حياة جديدة أوسم جداً .. بس لغاية أما أكتب عنهم تاني برحمة المولي، مش هوصي كُُل اللي يقرأ البوست دة يدعي ليهم بالرحمة والمغفرة والبركة وإنهم يفضلوا حلوين و awesome. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (75) - القراءة (4).

Those insane moments; this is reason behind why people like me can't save money quite often. The smell of books when you enter the bookstore, the colors of the covers, the titles, storyline briefs on the back of the book, and the authors are just irresistible. Back to reading Inch'allah! :)

#reading #capturingthemoment #Finallytimeoff #runningaway #Q1 #مش_بنفلس_من_بلاش

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (74) - Mercy.

For all who know me, I fear dogs like no other pet. I can't even stay around them. But sometime ago, I found out that dogs are truly man's best friend. I found myself more than okay to see a dog in the streets, walk side by side to them, and not run away.

It made me think that although our home countries were very unkind to us, and forced many of us to grew tougher and over-mature at very young ages, there are other countries that are not only kind to its people, but also to its animals, even the ones wandering in the streets. الرفق فعلاً عند ناس أسلوب حياة. There is still more to life than those political debates and non-stop daily news.

We always forget that the compassion and mercy of Islam not only encompasses humanity, but also extends beyond that, to all creations of God in the world. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (73) - A house is not a home.

Capturing the thing that describes this place the most. الزدناوية وآل عوضي. :)

'In this place, we do mistakes. We do I am sorry. We do fun. We do real.' Hmmm. They always say 'a house is not a home.' Well, it looked too deep to think about it back then. I didn't realize what those words really mean until I met الزدناوية few years ago, and after quitting my hope on having friends that met my presence with acceptance. It is a place that many people simply consider a second home. A place, where I was accepted without being judged (although I can't just stop being the political and economical realist, and in some cases the pessimist. مفيش فايدة مني). A place where everyone is genuinely welcomed, accepted and with great hospitality. No wonder they are cherished by many. ما شاء الله. Lets hope they keep their efforts going on teaching me how to be silly around them, and that I don't drop out this class soon. :D

I wouldn't just say I owe them much, or how many times I question how they accept me for who I am (not who they expect me to be), when no one else did; I will forever remain thankful, and there isn't a day that I don't miss Zedny. Yes a house is not a home; it is where you know you belong. I will always pray for them: 'اللهُم بارك في هذا البيت وأهله وصُحبته وبارك في هذا الجمع.' :)

#whenyouwannarunawayfromlife #آل_عوضي_الكِرام #الزدناوية #capturingthemoment  #goodtime #friends

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (72) - Hiding.

We all wear so many masks. We wear them to fit a role: a mother, sister, wife, good worker. We wear them to protect us in social situations: good girl, bad girl, tough girl, sweet girl.

For so many of us, we hide ourselves because we are afraid of the truth of who we are will not be acceptable or not good enough. That if others, even those who we "think" we trust with our love, were to see who we really are, they would turn from us, that we will be seen not as angles, but monsters.  The self-doubt questions start seeping in: Am I good enough? We are all afraid of making ourselves vulnerable, and we forget that the very thing we are protecting ourselves from could be the source of our greatest strength. 

Of course, there are, a lot of varying factors that contribute to not feeling good enough. But if we recognize and pay attention to the source of our self-doubt, there’s a greater likelihood that we’ll be conscious of it and able to work through it once it starts to creep in. Two of the biggest proponents of low self-worth require a little more self-reflection: constant comparison of ourselves to other women and the insane amount of pressure we put on ourselves to do, be, and have it all.

However, it is also normal to seek validation that you are good enough from external sources the same as internal. I personally find it hard to accept that I was raised to constantly deny that gaining some validation from external sources is bad. I mean everyone wants to be liked or found attractive – that’s a normal human quality. If you never care about anyone else’s opinions, you may be a sociopath. Oh yes! It is natural to seek some approval from people you have long-established connections with such as parents, close friends, or your significant other.

  

Writing this post is a bit funny. I am personally so busy hiding from others that I hadn't realize that the real person I am hiding from is me. I am denying myself my greatest champion. I am so scared to not measure up to the ridiculousness of my internal standards, pressure and external expectations, scared that if I tried and failed, I would hate me before anyone else.

I am still a work in progress and I still catch myself trying to hide so others won’t notice me, will not judge me, but I am getting stronger. I am better at acknowledging that there is only one me and she’s kinda fun. If I can’t accept myself, my vulnerabilities, and see myself as great, how can I expect anyone else to see that? It is the same trap so many of us fall, and will keep falling into. :)