تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (78) - To fit in.

I came across a recent quote when watching a Disney movie: 'I tried to fit in. I really do. I just can't. Sometimes I feel like I really don't belong here,' and suddenly it feels like old years back again. Whatever I try to put into words, I am bad at describing how it feels like, so I thought to share bits of an old article on Huffington Post, and which is one of the closest to my heart.

I’ve always felt different, like I was born in the wrong time period, or maybe even on the wrong planet. I just don’t “fit” anywhere or with anyone. You’d likely never realize this if you spent any amount of time with me, but it’s true.

When I was younger, I got good at pretending to fit in. Talking about things I didn’t care about, doing things I didn’t necessarily enjoy, and making myself appear “normal” when I’m so clearly anything but. As I got older, I learned to embrace more of what made me unique and different, and learned how to be more of myself and exist in a space of truth and authenticity alongside everyone else.

Yet, despite all the work I’ve done, there are still moments where the feeling of not belonging anywhere or with anyone is all consuming. It happens randomly, usually when I’m in a group of people, whether friends or family, who are having a good time. There will be a conversation and laughter, and I may even be enjoying myself... until all of a sudden I’m not, because I’m acutely aware of the truth: I don’t fit here. 

Sometimes it’s that I don’t really care about the topic at hand.

Sometimes it’s that I don’t really fit with the people around me.

Sometimes it’s that I feel like the oddball of the group.

Mostly, though, it’s that I realize I’m not living a life in full alignment with my truth. Because, if I was, I would be somewhere else, having a different conversation, with a different set of people, and showing up more fully and completely as me.

I’ve done a lot of work over the years to align my life, relationships, and work with my truth, passions and purpose. I’ve made major shifts, had hard conversations, and have pushed myself in ways that stretched me to tears. I’ve aligned, shed, grown, shifted, created, released, healed and cultivated. I’ve done a lot of work.

So when these moments happen, despite the fact that I momentarily stop breathing and the world feels suffocating, isolating, and overwhelmingly foreign... I feel gratitude. Gratitude for the never ending nudges that bring me closer to my truth and my whole self. Nudges that say, hey love, this isn’t right for you. This isn’t where you belong. This isn’t really who you are. Nudges that prompt me to make changes so that, albeit slowly but surely, I start to show up more fully and completely in my life.

What to do when you don’t fit in:

1) Be kind to yourself.

You’re not alone in this feeling, regardless of how intense, frequent, or unique to you it may feel. I remember attending a conference last spring where the speaker asked the audience, “who here feels like they don’t fit in?” Over half the audience raised their hands. You’re not the only one who feels like you don’t belong, there are tons of us. So first and foremost, be kind to yourself. Because even if you’re the one person in the world who really, truly, absolutely has no place, you’re still going to be stuck with you. Love and accept yourself fully, even when it feels like no one else could possibly.

2) Stop trying and, instead, notice what makes you different.

One of the most common mistakes we make when we feel like we don’t belong is to try and fit in. If you feel like you don’t belong, there’s a very good chance you don’t, and this isn’t a bad thing! Pay attention to what specifically triggered that feeling for you. Is it that you don’t care about the things others do? Is it that you’re spending time with people who are your opposite? Is it that you don’t enjoy the activity at hand? Not fitting in doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you or the people around you, it just means you’re different. Use this as an opportunity to explore what would need to change for you to feel like you fit. This isn’t about changing yourself or forcing yourself to be anything you’re not, it’s about taking an honest look at the situation.

Maybe you need a new set of friends or to spend less time with your family. Maybe you’re not dating the right person. Maybe you’d rather be at a cultural event than out drinking. Whatever it is, just make note of it and create better alignment in your life, work, and relationships going forward.

3) Embrace the truth of who you are.

Here’s a truth I’ve learned that’s changed my world: I don’t fit in and I’m not supposed to. I’m not here to fit in, and that’s okay. I’m here to be my unique and amazing self, and you are, too. Whatever makes you different, that’s exactly who you’re here to be, not someone that “fits” with everyone else. You may not be the person who stays out late with friends, instead you may be at home studying something that lights you up. You may not be the person who can bond over sports or celebrity gossip. Instead you may be the person discussing politics and protesting for what you believe in. Embrace it! That’s who you’re here to be and it’s perfect, beautiful, and needed in this world. The sooner you embrace the truth of who you are, the sooner you’ll find where you fit and start feeling more joyful and fulfilled by your life and relationships.

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (77) - Breaking the habit.

We live in a society that puts so much rules and restrictions that has no basis but nonsense culture. You need to come home early .. You need to work in certain jobs .. You need to wear certain clothes .. You need to behave in a certain manner .. You need to be-freind certain people .. You need to speak using certain language .. You need to marry in a certain age .. You must be a housewife or be judged .. You can't share house chores .. You can't travel on your own .. You must respect the elderly. But of course, this is a ladies only area .. Let the guys party all around and do sins .. They don't have to abide by any rules, and they will be accepted or else forgiven, and life will move on like nothing happened. Really?!!

Well, the funny part is that we think that these rules are clear-cut to all of us. Well, try to visit a rural area of Egypt, where it has entirely different interpretations of the same culture and traditions, and then try to tell me what are those rules that define a society. We fail miserably to admit that culture is changeable and will always be subject to personal opinions, preferences and interpretations. And with no law nor religion, nothing actually defines what is right from wrong precisely. It will always be personal, and we will always be opinionated and judgmental.

Being an Arab girl, sometimes, is hard to embrace. There are a million cultural rules for being a girl. And another batch of rules for being an Arab. Restrictions surrounding us everywhere. Now imagine being both an ARAB and a GIRL living in a society that treats religion as culture, and culture as religion. Absolute mess. There are a million things you have to do to get through each day. I used to think that when I grow up, there wouldn't be so many cultural rules. I was naive. :) Back in elementary school there were rules about what entrance you used in the morning, what door you used going home, when you could talk in the library, how many paper towels you could use in the restroom, and how many drinks of water you could get during recess. And there was always somebody watching to make sure you are on 'what they think' is the right track. What I'm finding out about growing older is that there are just as many cultural rules about lots of things the same as when I was young, and while there's nobody watching whether you follow them or not, they will judge you anyways. Lovely, isn't it? :)

I recently came to realize that it is the beginning of wisdom when you recognize that the best you can do is choose which rules you want to live by regardless what people think or say. I am still learning as many rules as I can, so one day I can pick which ones I want to stick to and which ones I need to break effectively like a pro. I am not yet bold enough to live life on my terms, or to take the road less traveled. Yet I know quite well that I am free, no matter what rules surround me. I will fight for this freedom till the end. If I find these rules tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I will eventually break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. As simple as this. People are remembered for what they achieve, but most importantly what and how many rules they break. Many rules are meant to be broken; pick your battles wisely! :)

#تخاريف #lifetimestruggles

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (76) - The gang.

It was one of my best friends' big day. :) It is funny that I woke up few days back, and all I can remember is the last episode of HIMYM. The gang. :)

Few will understand what I mean. Distances can either drive friends apart or grow their friendship even stronger. It comforts me to know we don't have to be close anymore, but we'll always be friends. It may never gonna be how it was. Yes, it can’t be, and that doesn’t have to be a sad thing. While there is part of our lives where we had to hang out and meet frequently is over. There’s so much wonderful stuff happening in all of our lives right now. More than enough to be grateful for, as my best friend's big day few days back. :)

Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof. Those who understand us, and be there for us in better or worse are few. This is why we can’t fall out of each other’s lives. I have been lucky enough to find her there for me at my very worst times. And the very least I can do is that I promised myself and vowed that no matter what, I will always be there for her to share those big and special moments together as that day. :)

بارك الله لكُما وجمع بينكُما في خير .. الطيبون للطيبات والله .. ربنا يحفظهُم و يُبارك لهم و يُسعدهم و يُتم عليهم نعمته .. يا رب يجعلهم سكن و قُرك أعين بعض ويبتدوا حياة جديدة أوسم جداً .. بس لغاية أما أكتب عنهم تاني برحمة المولي، مش هوصي كُُل اللي يقرأ البوست دة يدعي ليهم بالرحمة والمغفرة والبركة وإنهم يفضلوا حلوين و awesome. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (75) - القراءة (4).

Those insane moments; this is reason behind why people like me can't save money quite often. The smell of books when you enter the bookstore, the colors of the covers, the titles, storyline briefs on the back of the book, and the authors are just irresistible. Back to reading Inch'allah! :)

#reading #capturingthemoment #Finallytimeoff #runningaway #Q1 #مش_بنفلس_من_بلاش

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (74) - Mercy.

For all who know me, I fear dogs like no other pet. I can't even stay around them. But sometime ago, I found out that dogs are truly man's best friend. I found myself more than okay to see a dog in the streets, walk side by side to them, and not run away.

It made me think that although our home countries were very unkind to us, and forced many of us to grew tougher and over-mature at very young ages, there are other countries that are not only kind to its people, but also to its animals, even the ones wandering in the streets. الرفق فعلاً عند ناس أسلوب حياة. There is still more to life than those political debates and non-stop daily news.

We always forget that the compassion and mercy of Islam not only encompasses humanity, but also extends beyond that, to all creations of God in the world. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (73) - A house is not a home.

Capturing the thing that describes this place the most. الزدناوية وآل عوضي. :)

'In this place, we do mistakes. We do I am sorry. We do fun. We do real.' Hmmm. They always say 'a house is not a home.' Well, it looked too deep to think about it back then. I didn't realize what those words really mean until I met الزدناوية few years ago, and after quitting my hope on having friends that met my presence with acceptance. It is a place that many people simply consider a second home. A place, where I was accepted without being judged (although I can't just stop being the political and economical realist, and in some cases the pessimist. مفيش فايدة مني). A place where everyone is genuinely welcomed, accepted and with great hospitality. No wonder they are cherished by many. ما شاء الله. Lets hope they keep their efforts going on teaching me how to be silly around them, and that I don't drop out this class soon. :D

I wouldn't just say I owe them much, or how many times I question how they accept me for who I am (not who they expect me to be), when no one else did; I will forever remain thankful, and there isn't a day that I don't miss Zedny. Yes a house is not a home; it is where you know you belong. I will always pray for them: 'اللهُم بارك في هذا البيت وأهله وصُحبته وبارك في هذا الجمع.' :)

#whenyouwannarunawayfromlife #آل_عوضي_الكِرام #الزدناوية #capturingthemoment  #goodtime #friends