تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (32) -That kid.

Have you ever noticed the student at the far corner trying not to get noticed? Yeah, the one who enjoys reading in the library rather than joining people in the play ground .. The one  whose default facial expressions lean to be a little sad, while he is not .. The one who has so much to say but a little comes out .. The one who loves being around people, but loves more to be with themselves in their room, locked and running away from facing this world .. The one who was able to cope with the fact that he may not be popular nor getting the attention, but he is doing what should be done from behind the scenes, and appreciates if people does not know he exists .. The one who people think he is bored or sad, when he is actually enjoying listening and observing quietly!

People think I am anti-social. People think I am proud and condescending. Maybe a little. But the truth is, I am not.  You know, as a matter of fact, I am usually not the happiest person on earth when I am being accused as usual for being "not the most friend person you can meet" .. Or being an "anti-social person who is usually turned on the silent mode" .. Or even being "mean," "rude," and all the other pitiful epithets many of the extroverts choose to apply to my personality type.

It is that sometimes, I just can't accept the fact of people noticing my very existence .. I have always been looking forward to that part of the day, left to stay with myself without being surrounded by people .. I have always wished for someone to just gift me an "invisibility cloak" .. That would have made me the happiest creature on earth. I always hoped that I would be able to maintain a sustainable state of isolation, unconsciously running away and upgrading a higher level of introversion from a consistently degrading humanity ..

Not only have I alienated myself from the rest of the world, but I also have let some people think I hate them as individuals and thus ignore them.  And if there is no more business to talk of, I ska-doodle, fast. I am the last to come and the first to leave. Less small talk that way. It would seem that what started as an extreme shyness and a mean to assist me run away, turned into being anti-social, and I let people think of it that way. But it still holds partial truthful facts.

Nevertheless, I can frankly categorize myself as an introvert who has been trying hardly to reach a sustainable level of self-acceptance towards being an introvert. For instance, recently  I figured out that I am used to force myself to be social and hardly getting out of the shell I built for years and years. I even engaged myself in activities and social commitments I do not enjoy, only because I thought my desire to be alone came from an unhealthy place--you know, like depression or "wanting to isolate to avoid something." While, when I tend to try being with myself,  I love it. I feel my energy expand to fill my surroundings, rather than shrinking to accommodate them.

As I think more about trying more to accept my introversion, I actually feel that I may be able to allocate more social energy for the people who I chose to let in, who I didn't find draining to be around. I might come to trust my need to recharge with some time alone. It actually means spending more time alone in the beginning, like I had to make up for all the time that I didn't let myself spend enough time alone.

While we live in a culture that over-values extroversion, the world needs both extroverts and introverts. When an introvert accepts him or herself, it is possible to emerge form the cave with a fresh perspective to share that is a needed one. There is a lot of creative energy associated with introversion. I am not shy, I can strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger. Extroverts need to get over themselves and realize that Introversion is a perfectly a valid personality type, and should never be categorized as a flaw!!!

Dear Introverts,

Give yourself permission to spend time alone, screen those phone calls. Your friends that get you will understand. The ones who don't may need to fall by the wayside or reexamine their expectations of you. But don't forget, it is still important to find a way to communicate your needs to those close to you. With self-acceptance, it is easier to do this with grace rather than resentment.

Sincerely,

A fellow introvert. :) 

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (31) - I am glad I didn't give up!

We all face obstacles. We think we are on the right track but we then realize we have chosen the complete wrong path. We are enthusiastic hard-working by nature, but our support system gradually fails when we need them the most. We are just about to make significant progress and achievement towards your dream but suddenly everything collapse. 

Tenacious as we may be, we all have our breaking points. But didn't we have a good reason for committing to achieving our dreams in the first place? Odds are, we still want to achieve those dreams; we just stopped believing we could achieve them because our attempts have yet to yield results on the ground. 

Let’s take a step backwards, would our lives be better if we gave up on our dreams? This may not sound motivational, but sometimes giving up is actually a good thing to achieve something greater. Sometimes I set a completely unrealistic goal and its pursuit is filling me with a constant set of inadequacy and anxiety. We could easily use this as a justification to delude ourselves, so one should think about it very carefully.

One of my biggest problems is that I do not like responsibility. There are tons of things that I like to do, but I resist because I do not want the power to influence, impact, hurt or even disappoint myself and other people. That does not mean that I do not have dreams. It is that I am scared of what achieving them will entail. Great power comes with greater responsibility, but also brings even greater rewards. If I play safe, I won't hurt or disappoint anyone, but also I won't help or inspire anyone and equally important, myself. The comfort zone is beautiful, but nothing great grows there. 

We all need to get out of our comfort zones every once in a while. I often think I may disappoint other people … or afraid of who they perceive or judge me. In reality, no one ever judges us like we judge ourselves. The closest people will disappoint us more than our fear to disappoint them, and we all grow and learn through the process of striving, regardless of what we attain. If we don’t keep going, we will never know how far we could have gone and we will miss out on being the person we’d become through the effort itself. If we do keep going, well, it’s like this quote: “Shoot for the moon, for even if you miss you’ll land among the stars.”

One must remember that Allah has perfect timing for everything. Never early and never late. But it takes a little patience and a lot of faith. Yes ... There will always thousand days when you feel like giving up ... But unless you are 10000% sure, then don't!!! There will always be extremely tough days when you feel like you don't have what it takes and it’s better to settle for something less ... But you 10000% do!!! And hell yes … There will be dozens of other days when everything seems to be falling apart ... But they won't. You got to fight hard and follow your guts to achieve what you deserve and worked your hard to attain!!! -_-

And it is when you are at this lowest point, that you are faced with a choice. You can stay there at the bottom, until you drown. Or you can gather pearls and rise back up. You got to have faith in Allah's plan for you and trust the process. You must know that things will work out for the good and there will be days when you look back and say 'Alhamdulillah … I am glad I didn't give up!' :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (30) - و استعينوا بالصبر و الصلاة. :)

و لنا في السجود وطن .. آه و الله ..من الواضح ان أنا اللي مبركزش كوّيس .. ربنا سُبحانه و تعالي بيذكرنا و يقولنا 'و استعينوا بالصبر و الصلاة' .. مش الصبر أو الصلاة .. يعني الإثنين مع بعض .. مفيش واحدة فيهم هينفع تمشي من غير التانية .. يعني لازم تلتزم و تحافظ علي صلاتك و كمان تستعين بالصبر .. مينفعش تنتظم في الصلاة و متصبرش .. و مينفعش تصبر و متصليش :) أن تحتسب و تصبر حكماً و يقيناً علي الرزق .. انك تثق ويكون عندك يقين في حكمة الله من كل شيء و متستعجلش علي النتيجة أو الرزق .. محدش هياخد رزق حد .. كل شيء مقدر و مكتوب .. الصبر مش سهل بطبيعة الحال .. 'و إنها لكبيرة إلا علي الخاشعين' .. مش أي حد هيفهم ويقدر قيمة الصلاة والصبر إلا ناس معينة بيحبوا ربنا قوي و عندهم يقين و مسلمين أمرهم ليه تماماً .. و مكانش بقي فيه باب مخصوص للصابرين :) 

و اللي متعلمش الصبر هو صغير، أديه بيتعلمه مضطر أما كِبر .. الفكرة هو بيصبر و مسلم و مُحتسب و لا لا .. واحد فينا هياخد ثواب علي نية صبره و إحتسابه، و التاني زيه زيّ غيره اللي مصبرش .. النيّة بتغيّر كُل حاجة .. و الفعل بيغيّر كُل حاجة برضه .. الإثنين مينفعوش من غير بعض ..فيا رب أرزقنا السكينة و الصبر و الطمأنينة و الثبات و الإحتساب و إربُط علي قلوبنا. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (29) - النهاية.

يتمالكني شعور وقناعة بأن النهاية إقتربت .. شعور يُلازمني أينما كُنت حرفياً .. لا أعلم ما هي النهاية التي أنتظرها ولكنها أوشكت وأقرب مما أظُن .. قد  تكون نِهايتي إقتربت .. قد تكون نهاية العَالم قد إقتربت .. لا أمتلك أدلة مَوضوعية على ما أقول و لَن أستنِد إلي أيّ شئ لتبرير هذه القَناعة و لا هذا الشعور .. ما أشعُر به هوّ أني كُلما حاولت، أجد نفسي أٌحيد عن طريق الله رويداً .. أجدُ المُبرارات دوماً .. و كُلما ذكرتُ نفسي، أجد نفسي تحيدُ أكثر و أكثر لا إرادياً .. أبكي حُرقةً كُل يوم .. الإيمان ضعيف .. الرُوح خاوية .. القلب لا أعلم إن كان خَتم الله عليه .. الفِطرة تشوهت .. العقل لا يعي ما سينتُج عن حِياده .. لا أعلمُ إذا كُنت وحدي من أُعاني و أَحيدُ و أُذكِر نفسي لعلي أعود لرُشدي و هُدايّ .. و لكني أشعُر بأن البَشرية وصلت إلي مَراحل غَير مَسبوقة تاريخياً من التَشوّه الأَخلاقي و خَرق كُل فِطرة مُتواجدة في كُل الكَون .. أصبح الوَاقع يُطيح و يُدمِر و يقَضى عَلى كُل البَديهيات و الثوابِت و الفِطرة ..

في تلك الفترات العصيبة، علي الإنسان منّا أن يُكرس حياته للبحث عن الحقيقة و البحث عن إيمان سليم .. إيمان لا يشوبه ذرة من كِبر .. فهذه هي فطرة الإنسان كما خلقها خالقها ..  لقد فطرها علي البحث عن الحق و الإيمان به .. الله .. الحق .. العدل ذو الرحمة .. العفوّ الكريم .. يا رب هوِّن و رُدنا إليك رداً جميلاً و لا تتوفانا إلا و أنت راضٍ عنّا يا رحيم ..

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (28) - مجتمع بحاجة للسفر.

'مع الوقت أزداد قَناعة أننا مُجتمع بحاجة للسفر ... نحتاج للسفر لنفهم أننا لَسنا مَركز الكُون و نفهم أن حولنا بشر آخرين طبيعيين ليسوا إمّا شياطين أو ملائكة ... لنفهم أن المَكتوب فيّ الكُتب و ما يتناوله المثقفين لا يعكس الواقع الإنساني للبشر البتة ... نَحتاج أن نفهم و نستوعب و نصدق أننا لَسنا وحدنا في هذا العالم بل و أن العالم به كثير جداً من البشر لا يعبأون أساساً بنا لا لشئ إلا لأنهم فعلاً لديهم مشاكل أكبر بالنسبة لهم من أن يفكروا فينا.' - هِشام عيسي

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (27) - إسمعني. :)

مبقتش مستنيّة تـ "إحلم معايا" .. و لا بسألك نحافظ علي الـ "إنسان" اللّي جواك وجوايَا  .. و لا هفكرك، ما أصل هـ "أقولك إيه" .. بس أنا مبطلبش أكثر من إنك لو سمحت "إسمعني"  .. فاضِل ليّ إيه ؟! :)

نبرة التطور في الكَلمات صادقة و مؤثرة و موحية وموجعة جداً وعاكسة للواقع، ولأرواحنا بشكل عجيب .. أحداث كثير بتجري قُدامي أمّا بسمع حمزة .. ده تفكير جيل مختلف ... مش متهور و لا مش فاهم ولا متشائم.... بس مختلف .. و صدقني مُش هيبقي نُسخة من ماضيك. :)

حمزة عمّال يحدفنا يمين و شمال .. من تذكرتي رايح جي .. لروح يا قطر متستناش .. من احلم معايا .. لاسمعني .. من دوري يا دُنيا .. يا مظلوم ارتاح .. رايح بينا علي فين يا حمزة؟! مُش كدة .. بالراحة علينا شوّية و بلاش تقلب علينا المواجع أكثر ما هيّ متقلبة .. الحمدُ لله. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (26) - خوفي.

ها نحنُ وكعادتنا مُنذ فترة، نتسامر أنا وخوفي سوياً ونحتسي القهوة .. نُشاطر بعضنا البعض ذات الأفكار في صمت .. قد يأتي في بعض الأحيان ويجَلس حُزني وحِيرَتي معنا هُم أيضاً، فلا يكادوا أن يتأملونا حتي يجهشوا كُلاً منهم في البكاء .. ونبقي أنا والخوف نتأملهما في صَمت .. مُمتنة للقهوة مهما كان، فهي رفيقتي أنا وخوفي في الكفاح دوماً، والبُكاء الأيام الماضية، والهُراء الهزيل كُل حين وآخر والذي لم يعُد له طعم ولا رائحة. :)

يلوم عليّ البعض لقائي الشبه دائم مع خوفي وأن أُشاركها أعزُ ما لدي .. أيوة 'الأمريكان كوفي و الموكا.' يعلم الجميع كم هُم قريبين وليس لهُم في قلبي بديل. فكيف ليّ أن أُشارك أعزُ ما لدي مع خوفي؟ كيف ومتي أصبح الخوف صديق غير مرغوب فيه؟ لا أحد منّا يخلو من الخوف، فقط البعض منّا يتعرُف عليه حتي يألفه ولا يهابه. والبعض الآخر يتهرب منه فيخافُ معرفة الخوف ذاته. يهابُ فكرة أن يكون بني آدم، فيُخطئ أقرُب من حوله في إصدار الأحكام عليه مثله مثل سائر البشر الذين لا يعلمون عنهم شيئاً إلا إسماً فقط لا غير .. لا أعلم كيف ومتي أصبحنا نرهب ونرهق عقولنا وقلوبنا تفكيراً وتخبُطاً قبل أن نشعُر .. بنحاسب نفسنا علي مشاعِرنا؟ حتي مشاعِر الحُب والفرحة خايفيين منها. أي نعم. :) خايفيين نفرح .. خايفيين نحِب .. خافيين نخاف .. أة والله. :)

هيبقي إمتي من حقنا نتكلم من غير ما نعمل ألف حساب للناس اللّي حوالينا؟ وإمتي الواحد هيبقي من حقه يكون نفسه دون تكلُف؟ وامتي الواحد أقرب الناس ليه هتديله فُرصة يكون بني آدم عنده الحاجات اللّي بتسعده ومخاوفه والحاجات اللّي بتقلقه وبتكسره؟ ويا تري امتي الناس مُمكن تفهم ان مفيش حد كامل وان مُش معني ان فرحتنا ومخاوفنا اختلفت انه شخص سئ او حسن السيرة و المعشر .. مُش معناها قلة ايمان ولا ضعف .. مُش معناها شطارة ولا قوة .. لكن معناها انه ببساطة شديدة 'بني آدم.'

ولكن من يملُك أن يدفع هذا القدر المُوغل في إنسان بداخله .. هذا الايقاع الغامِر من الخوف كالطُوفان .. أتظُنون أننَا حقاً نملُكُ الخيار. حقاً، وماذا نختار؟! ما عاد أحد منّا قريب حَتى لنَفسه، فما أبعَدُ أنفُسنا عن أنَفسنا التي نعلمُ عنها شيئاً إلا أنها تخاف بإستمرار .. تخافُ من الحاضر و من المُستقبل .. لا نعلمُ ما بها، ولا ما بِغيرها، ولا ما سيأتي، و لا ما نعيش .. نحنُ بالكاد نعلمُ ما مضى.

عن تلك اللحظات التي إن أردت أن تكون نفسك، أصبح ذلك عبئ لا تستطيع تحمُله.. فقط و حينها لا تملُلك إلا 'حسبي الله و نعم الوكيل.' :) مُجرد مشاعر مُتضاربة مشروعة حاسة ان كثير حواليا بيسألوها، بس محدش بيتكلم عنها .. ويا بخت اللّي عنده الصاحب ولا الأُخت ولا الأخ ولا الأهل اللّي بيسمعوه لمُجرد السمع وقت ما بيحتاج يفضفض، يبقي ربنا يُبارك له وميحرموش منهم ويجمعه بيهم علي خير في للفردوس الأعلي، لانها نعمة ورزق كبير. عموماً، ربنا يُربط علي قلوبنا ويُجبر بخواطرنا جميعاً. والحمدُ لله. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (25) - Silence.

Silence is so loud. It is an ultimate language in itself, and a taste of the eternal. It is a natural instinctive part of us. If we are noisy and active all the time, we will never know the invisible world that is interior to us and to everything. Silence is a way of listening to the subtle sounds that keep the world on course. There still exists an allure to silence, a desire to block out the noise that bombards us, day in, day out. It's a desire to focus on our own thoughts and become aware of the things that are going on inside our own heads.

Silence is precious, not because it is literally empty but because it is a kind of fullness. In silence we hear our thoughts and take in the world. We become receivers rather than just doers. We are less active but more alive. When we speak from silence, our voices contain the whispers of a passing spirit. Our words resonate. They are worth listening to, because in them the otherwise silent world finds its voice. :)

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (24) - جُوّايا خوف .. مِن كِلمة الظُروف ..

و تمُر عليَّ فترة هي من أصّعب ما يَكون عَلى نفسي تقريباً .. العَقلُ عليه غَمامة .. الرؤية ضباببية .. قرارات خاطئة تٌتَخذ .. تكبُر من النفس رافضةً السُقوط .. تتفوه بما يضيق به صدرِك فيزيدك ذلك ألماً ..تُحاول إنكار الحُزن الذي يَملؤك، فيظهر كَذبك سريعاً .. فسلامك الداخلي مُشتت ... الثقة مُهتزة بوضوح .. العُزلة هي الحَل الذي تلجأ إليه تلقائياً من واقع مرير تُحاول التهرُب منه، ولكن لا يزيد الأمر إلا سوءاً ..

أعترف، قد تعلَمتُ الدرس بالشَكل الذي ظننتُ يوماً ما أنني لن أواجهه و لست ملاقيه .. نحنُ من نتخذ القرارات و علينا تحمل تبعاتها .. و الجَلَد و الصبر لا مفر منهما .. الكُل يسقط و يُختَبَر .. أتجزع ؟! أم تكون من الصابرين الشاكرين ؟! نعم، لا ملجأ إلّا لله سبحانه .. فهو العليم بحالِ كُل منّا .. الرؤوف و العفّوْ بها .. له حِكمة في كُل شيء، نجهلها نحنُ الفقراء إليه .. و دروسٌ يُعلمنا إياها في كُل لحظة ..

ما زالت تِلك الفَترة مُستمرة، و ما زَالت مُحاولاتي مُستمِرة في التَخلُص مِنها .. و لا تزال نتائج تلك الفَترة تؤرق فِكري كثيراً و تعتصر قلبي ألماً .. أمامي الكثير لإصلاحه .. و أسألة كثيرة تحتاج إلي أجوبة .. و أحِبة وَجب عليّ الإعتذار إليهم ... أسألُ الله تعالي أن يَستخدِمني و أن لا يَستبدلني .. أسأل الله الثَبات و الصَبر و أن يُقوي الظَهر و أن يُثبتني .. و أن يُريني الحق و يَرزُقني إتباعه و يَختار ما فيه الخَير ليّ و يُرضيّني به أياً كان .. أكتُب هذا حُجةً على نفسي حتي لا أسقُط .. حُجة لعلي استمر في المُحاولة ..

إنتهيتُ من الكتابة مُستمعة إلي حمزة نمرة كعادتي .. من تُعبر أغانيه دوماً عن ما يدور بذهني وما يتملك قلبي من حيرة .. 'جوّانا هُموم سنين .. و لا نبقي مبينين .. في عينينا الضِحكة لكِن من جوّة مدمعين .. و أرُد بأيّ كلام .. و أقول و الله تمام .. و أسيبهم و أمشي علشان مَسمعش سُؤالهُم تاني .. و يا دُنيا رسينا .. مين جيّ علي مين فينا .. قَصرنا فيّ حَاجة معاكي و لا عملنا اللّي علينا؟!'

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (23) -People change and forget to tell each other.

I saw a friend couple of days ago. It has been a while. We forget each others’ names. But it did not matter because deep inside the feeling still remained the same! A friend is always a friend, right? Well, not exactly! It is only when you reach a crisis point in your life that you find out just who your true friends are, when you reach out for support during your darkest days and find that they are still there to support you. 

It is interesting to think about how we make people who used to be everything into nothing again. How we learn to forget. How we force forgetting. Grief is a faster teacher than joy – but what does it mean when you cycle out to being strangers again? You never really stop knowing each other in that way. Maybe there is no choice but to make them someone different in your mind, not the person who knew your anxieties, what made you cry and how much you cherished their existence in your life.

You may believe that you have wide circle of friends, but when times comes that the socializing has to come to an end and instead of sending out outing invitations you are issuing requests of help and support, just see how many answer the call. By the end of the process you should consider yourself lucky if you can count the friends that are left on one hand and truly blessed if you need both hands to count them.

When our lives revolve around someone or group of friends, they do not just stop doing so even if all that is left is some semblance of their memory. There are always those bits of good and very bitter memories that remain. Where were those friends when you needed them?! Why did they turn their backs on you?!! Why now?!! How could they leave you alone trying to gather yourself?! We all eventually find ourselves standing in the checkout line, stumbling on one of the things we used to do together, the moments they turned their back on us and realizing that we are revolving around them again. And maybe we never stopped!

Maybe it is just that we are all at the centers of our own little universes, and sometimes they overlap with other people’s just at the wrong times, and that small bit of intersection leaves some part of it changed. The collision can wreck us, change us and shift us. Sometimes we merge into one, and other times we rescind because the comfort of losing what we thought we knew wins out.

Either way, it is inevitable that you grow. That you are left knowing that much more about friendship and what it can do. Whether or not that emptiness will ever again include that friend who made it that way … I do not know. Whether or not anybody else can match the outline of such friend ... I do not know that either.

We all start as strangers. The choices we make in terms of friendship are usually ones that seem inevitable anyway. We find similar souls made of the same stuff ours are. We find classmates and partners and neighbors and family friends and cousins and sisters and our lives intersect in a way that makes them feel like they could not have ever been separate. But, we are all just waiting for another universe to collide with ours, to change what we cannot ourselves. 

We all start as strangers, but we forget that we rarely choose who ends up a stranger too.

Source: Thought Catalog

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (22) - Allah Knows.

It has been almost four years where I have been going through so much. I feel fragile, stressed, afraid and consumed. I have been on the edge of breaking down and giving up so many times. I remember the details of each moment; the sleepless nights, the over-thinking lonesome days and the helplessly crying moments. How much is 'too much' differs from person to person. We are all different. Some people are able to role with the punches, while others seem to crumble in the face of far smaller obstacles or frustrations. 

I fight everyday the negative thoughts and really try finding a reason why to still exist or even belong to this inhumane world or do anything worthwhile until I remind myself that 'إذا قامت الساعة وفي يد أحدكم فسيلة فليغرسها.' I remind myself that what I am supposed to do has nothing to do with whether it will matter or not. It has nothing to do whether I am or when. What matters is that I do what I am supposed to do. Spending today being angry about yesterday won't make tomorrow any brighter. Every time I feel like giving in, I come across into those small incidents shaping worthy reminders that 'لا يُكلف الله نفساً إلا وسعها.'  Allah is there to protect us. While many times I cry telling everyone 'I can no longer take this,' something happens reminding me that 'Allah knows I can handle it.' There is definitely something to learn. Allah does not put us in situations unless we are up to the challenge. I may not be able to control the circumstances, but I still can control how I am going to face them. 

This week too many things happened. Although I still believe it was not the best week of my life, yet things could have been worse. I could have had an accident due to my stressed careless driving, and I did not! I could have lost my wallet, and I did not! I could have been stalked and robbed, and I did not! I could have had my car stolen since my wallet was in the car, and I thank Allah it did not! I could have lost most of my friends who care the past months due to my careless attitude and almost not being there for them, and I did not. I could have been disbarred due to stupid routine and ego issues, and yet alhamdulillah I did not!

I remember that day back then in college when I applied for an academic instructor post in one of the activities. Then weeks later, I find out that I was accepted in a social/academic post. My first thought was 'the high board must been out of their minds!!!!' I am a purely academic person and an anti-social butterfly. How could they do this to me?!!! I remember how many times I thought of quitting because I will never fit in. I could have not made it until end, but I did not! The days passed to prove me wrong. I pray every day for the high board for overseeing my flaws and believing in me. Because if it was not for their choice, I would not have rediscovered myself and I would not have been elected as a high board the year after or get to know awesome friends and colleagues. But again, Allah knows. و كُل شئ عنده بقَدر .. له في كُل شئ حَكمة لا نعلمها .. 

I remember that day quite well. Couple of years ago I was in an ethical disagreement and had to detach myself from a group of people to start everything from scratch on my own. I remember how much I cried and how much I felt lost in the middle of nowhere. I did not know from where to start. Why me? Why now?!! Why do we have to suffer while we never did something wrong?!! Will I survive?!! But then I keep telling myself to stop thinking and remind myself that Allah knows. This morning, nearly years after this incident, I find myself in a completely different atmosphere and circumstances that I would not have faced unless this disagreement took place. This disagreement saved me from a person I could have been and would have hated. Not a single day has gone by that I do not thank Allah for putting me through this tough time back then. But again, Allah knows. It does not necessarily makes things easier, but it certainly changed the way I think. I feel a small piece of my broken heart has healed and part of my over thinking mind can find peace.

The truth is; it happens just like that. Although these incidents are somewhat extreme, at some point Allah sends us a good reminder that shifts our perspective. Personally, I have been slapped with several of these reminders over the years. And now days, I want to pass a few of them along with others …

- Life is difficult. Yes. Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we see the truth, we transcend it. Once we know life is difficult and consists of a series of problems –once we truly understand and accept it–  then life is no longer difficult. Once we accept it, the fact that 'life is difficult' no longer matters.

- Everything that happens helps you grow, even if it is hard to see right now. Circumstances and experiences will direct us over time.  Sometimes these circumstances knock us down hard.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And we might feel like we will be stuck in this hole forever; but we won’t.  When we feel like quitting, remember that our most significant opportunities are often found in times of great difficulty. 

- The way we feel about people and situations will shift, and that is okay. Things will seem totally different to us at some point in the future, just as we feel different now than we did in the past.  Just because we liked something at one point in time does not mean we will always like it. The only thing we ever have to be for sure is unsure, and this means we are growing and not shrinking.

- There will always be more tough changes to make. Growth is painful. Change is painful. But in the end, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere we do not belong.  Again, we are not the same persons we were a year ago, a month ago, or a week ago. We are always growing. Experiences do not stop.  That is life. It takes a great deal of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for making the change happen. But doing so is worth every bit of effort we can gather.

- Problems do not go away. Problems do not go away. They must be worked our through or else they remain, forever a barrier. Confronting problems is painful. 'We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.' This statement may seem idiotically tautological or self-evident, yet it seemingly beyond comprehension of human race. We cannot solve a problem by hoping that someone else will solve it for us. Regret has a bitter taste. Yet, you get to choose whether to be honest and bear the sting of going a step back, learn and try to set things right or to live with the bitterness of what you ruined and stood there watching doing nothing for the rest of your life. Sometimes taking this step back is all what you need to actually be able to learn, grow and move forward.

- Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It is always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.  It is not over if we have lost; it’s over when we do nothing but complain about it.  If we believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of our future.  Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter.  Take action instead.  And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that happiness will arrive only when we stop complaining about our problems and we start being grateful for all the problems we do not have.

- The level of happiness of our life depends on the quality of our thoughts. The mind is your battleground.  It is the place where the greatest conflict resides.  It is where half of the things we thought were going to happen, never did happen.  But if we allow these thoughts to dwell in our mind, they will succeed in robbing us of peace, joy, and ultimately your life. We are what we think.  We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.

- We were born with the ability to change someone’s life. We see our worst parts in other people. The more you are around people, the more you will realize that you have a lot yet to change about yourself. You were born with the ability to change your life and someone else's life. Do not ever waste it.  Be kind.  Be present.  Be someone who makes a difference.  In a gentle way, we can shake the world.  Truth be told, the purpose of life is not just to be happy in our own little bubble; it is to be helpful, to be honorable, to be compassionate and kind, to have our life make some kind of difference that we have lived and lived well.  Go ahead; leave the world a little better than we found it

- We can best serve ourselves and others by giving ourselves what we need. That’s right, our needs matter more than we can imagine.  Don’t ignore them.  Sometimes we have to do exactly what is best for us and our lives, not just what seems best on the surface for everyone else.  Decide this very minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself. 

- Everyone we meet serves a purpose in our lives. We meet no ordinary people in our lives.  If we give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.  They may not be what we expected or wanted, but their presence is important.  Some people will test us, some will teach us, and some will bring out the very best in us.  So be thankful for everyone in your life.  Yes EVERYONE!  It will be hard sometimes, but do your best to be grateful for the rude, difficult people too.  They serve as great reminders of how NOT to be.

- We are not alone in feeling weird and alone. I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought about how there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels weird and flawed in the same ways I do.  I would imagine him or her, and imagine that he or she must be out there thinking of me too.  Well, I hope that if you are out there and reading this, you now know that, yes, it is true I am here, and I am as strange as you.  I often feel and think and struggle much like you do.  I care about many of the things you care about, just in my own way.  And although some people do not understand us, we understand each other. YOU are not weird and alone!

                         

 

                       

 

 

 

 

Source: Marc and Angel

تَخاريف نُص مِيتر عَقلُه طَار (21) - تجاعيد فتاة.

أشعرُ بأنني فتاة ترتدي ثوب لسيدة مُسِنة ..

سيدة قبل رَحيلها أعطتني ثوبها و ها أنا ارتديه مُبكراً ..

إرتديتُ تسعون عاماً بأحزانها و ذِكرياتها و تَفاصيلها المُرهِقة ..

إرتديت أصَوات و أفكار لا تُشبهني أبداً ..

إرتديتُ و إستمعتُ للكثير من العبث الذي لم أكُن يوماً أهتمُ له قط ..

إرتديتُ ثوباً أخذني بعيداً عن من كُنت عليه، لشخصٍ لم أعلم أني مُلاقيه ..

إرتديتُ ثوباً لا أعلم كَيف التَخلصُ مِنه و عُمرٍ لا أنتمي إليه ..