Have you ever noticed the student
at the far corner trying not to get noticed? Yeah, the one who enjoys reading
in the library rather than joining people in the play ground .. The one
whose default facial expressions lean to be a little sad, while he is not ..
The one who has so much to say but a little comes out .. The one who loves
being around people, but loves more to be with themselves in their room, locked
and running away from facing this world .. The one who was able to cope with
the fact that he may not be popular nor getting the attention, but he is doing
what should be done from behind the scenes, and appreciates if people does not
know he exists .. The one who people think he is bored or sad, when he is actually
enjoying listening and observing quietly!
People think I am anti-social.
People think I am proud and condescending. Maybe a little. But the truth is, I
am not. You know, as a matter of fact, I am usually not the happiest
person on earth when I am being accused as usual for being "not the most
friend person you can meet" .. Or being an "anti-social person who is
usually turned on the silent mode" .. Or even being "mean,"
"rude," and all the other pitiful epithets many of the extroverts
choose to apply to my personality type.
It is that sometimes, I just can't
accept the fact of people noticing my very existence .. I have always been
looking forward to that part of the day, left to stay with myself without being
surrounded by people .. I have always wished for someone to just gift me an
"invisibility cloak" .. That would have made me the happiest creature
on earth. I always hoped that I would be able to maintain a sustainable state
of isolation, unconsciously running away and upgrading a higher level of
introversion from a consistently degrading humanity ..
Not only have I alienated myself
from the rest of the world, but I also have let some people think I hate them
as individuals and thus ignore them. And if there is no more business to
talk of, I ska-doodle, fast. I am the last to come and the first to leave. Less
small talk that way. It would seem that what started as an extreme shyness and
a mean to assist me run away, turned into being anti-social, and I let people
think of it that way. But it still holds partial truthful facts.
Nevertheless, I can frankly
categorize myself as an introvert who has been trying hardly to reach a
sustainable level of self-acceptance towards being an introvert. For instance,
recently I figured out that I am used to force myself to be social and
hardly getting out of the shell I built for years and years. I even engaged
myself in activities and social commitments I do not enjoy, only because I
thought my desire to be alone came from an unhealthy place--you know, like
depression or "wanting to isolate to avoid something." While, when I
tend to try being with myself, I love it. I feel my energy expand to fill
my surroundings, rather than shrinking to accommodate them.
As I think more about trying more
to accept my introversion, I actually feel that I may be able to allocate more
social energy for the people who I chose to let in, who I didn't find draining
to be around. I might come to trust my need to recharge with some time alone.
It actually means spending more time alone in the beginning, like I had to make
up for all the time that I didn't let myself spend enough time alone.
While we live in a culture that
over-values extroversion, the world needs both extroverts and introverts. When
an introvert accepts him or herself, it is possible to emerge form the cave
with a fresh perspective to share that is a needed one. There is a lot of
creative energy associated with introversion. I am not shy, I can strike up a
conversation with a perfect stranger. Extroverts need to get over themselves
and realize that Introversion is a perfectly a valid personality type, and
should never be categorized as a flaw!!!
Dear Introverts,
Give yourself permission to spend
time alone, screen those phone calls. Your friends that get you will
understand. The ones who don't may need to fall by the wayside or reexamine
their expectations of you. But don't forget, it is still important to find a
way to communicate your needs to those close to you. With self-acceptance, it
is easier to do this with grace rather than resentment.
Sincerely,
A fellow introvert. :)
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