We all wear
so many masks. We wear them to fit a role: a mother, sister, wife, good worker.
We wear them to protect us in social situations: good girl, bad girl, tough
girl, sweet girl.
For so many
of us, we hide ourselves because we are afraid of the truth of who we are will
not be acceptable or not good enough. That if others, even those who we
"think" we trust with our love, were to see who we really are, they
would turn from us, that we will be seen not as angles, but monsters. The
self-doubt questions start seeping in: Am I good enough? We are all afraid
of making ourselves vulnerable, and we forget that the
very thing we are protecting ourselves from could be the source of
our greatest strength.
Of course, there are, a lot of varying factors
that contribute to not feeling good enough. But if we recognize and pay
attention to the source of our self-doubt, there’s a greater likelihood that
we’ll be conscious of it and able to work through it once it starts to creep
in. Two of the biggest proponents of low self-worth require a little more
self-reflection: constant comparison of ourselves to other women and the insane
amount of pressure we put on ourselves to do, be, and have it all.
However, it
is also normal to seek validation that you are good enough from external
sources the same as internal. I personally find it hard to accept that I was
raised to constantly deny that gaining some validation from external
sources is bad. I mean everyone wants to be liked or found attractive – that’s
a normal human quality. If you never care about anyone else’s opinions, you may
be a sociopath. Oh yes! It is natural to seek some approval from people you have
long-established connections with such as parents, close friends, or your
significant other.
Writing this post is a bit funny. I am personally so busy hiding from others that I hadn't realize that the real
person I am hiding from is me. I am denying myself my greatest champion. I am
so scared to not measure up to the ridiculousness of my internal
standards, pressure and external expectations, scared that if I tried and failed, I would hate me before anyone else.
I am still
a work in progress and I still catch myself trying to hide so others
won’t notice me, will not judge me, but I am getting stronger. I am better at
acknowledging that there is only one me and she’s kinda fun. If I can’t accept myself, my vulnerabilities, and see myself as great, how can I expect anyone else to see that? It is the same trap so many of us fall, and will keep falling into. :)
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