“Three things in human
life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the
third is to be kind.” - Henry James
I was thinking about a
recent nice decision I made. All I can think of is that I changed my mind because
I decided to give myself and someone the chance of the "benefit of the
doubt." :)
What is "the benefit of the doubt"? It is an interesting saying; simply the act of giving someone the benefit of believing good - rather than the bad - about someone and what they say, and taking their word because you, yourself, have some doubt about what happened.
This concept is
important when it comes to our relationships with others. We often forget that
this concept is an inseparable part of our Islamic teachings. When speaking to
others about a person, or hearing a person discussed by others, we must always
seek to give the benefit of the doubt, and not jump to assumptions. Just as you
will always have a good excuse and justification when it comes to your own actions
and inadequacies, apply the same generosity when it comes to others. In the
world of law, people remain innocent until proven guilty. Shouldn't that also
be the case with our loved ones? :) We can challenge these thoughts and prove
how talented and ingenious we can be in inventing excuses for others - by
seeing how well we do it for ourselves.
Every day we see and
hear a lot of misinterpretations and assumptions which lead to judgments and
gossips but we rarely see confrontations. I wonder why?!! It is easy to jump to
making assumptions, but we should be careful and not be hasty in judging a
situation or an individual from what seems to be the apparent. Therefore, it is
essential that we assume the best of others and give them the benefit of the doubt
and allow them to explain themselves to clear any doubts we may have.
One of the great early
Muslims scholars, said, “If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy
excuses for them. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the
shortcoming is in your own selves.” Why 70 excuses? This is because the default
assumption about all humans and their actions is that they are sound and free
of error. This is considered our operating certainty. After this, if we find
something that makes us doubt about them, we are not permitted to leave this
operating certainty that they did not err for mere doubts or misgivings. The
doubts and misgivings about others that are sinful are those that do not have a
sound basis that would be sufficient to leave our operating assumption about
others that they are upright and their actions free of error.
Powerful things can
happen when you give someone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes we feel we
lack either the tools of patience to judge others favorably. As a matter of
fact, more often than not we feel there could not possibly be any excuse or
justification for a certain behavior.
The real test is
whether you are going to trust what someone else says about a person, or your
gut feelings and give that person the benefit of the doubt? In a world where it
can be easy even for bright people to judge others, we should train ourselves
to be patient and generous and avoid hastiness in judging others. And whenever
you feel confused or anxious, then pay attention. Because it could be that the
anxiety is something that you need to address within yourself in the first
place.
So the next time you
hear someone talking about a person, or you meet a person, be kind by giving
them the benefit of the doubt. Some lessons you learn once, and they last a
lifetime. When we are misjudged, that's when we begin to really appreciate the
value of judging others favorably. :)
 | ||
|
ليست هناك تعليقات:
إرسال تعليق